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5 days ago
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15 Ways To Heal And Rebuild After An Abusive Marriage
The echoes of an abusive marriage can cling like shadows, haunting the spaces where light should shine. You're not alone in this maze of healing, and rebuilding yourself is both a tender art and a fierce reclaiming of power. Every step is an act of creation—not just of a new life, but of a new you. Here are 15 surprising ways to gather the pieces and forge a path forward. 1. Engage In Radical Physical And Emotional Rest In a world that glorifies hustle, the concept of rest can feel like rebellion. After enduring an abusive marriage, your body and soul are in dire need of repair. "Radical rest" is about giving yourself permission to do nothing and be unapologetically still. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith, author of "Sacred Rest," explains that true restoration isn't just physical—it's mental, emotional, and spiritual too. Imagine shedding the guilt that comes with inactivity and instead basking in the healing power of rest. This isn't a luxury; it's a necessity, a radical act of self-love. Set aside time to unplug from the chaos, to simply breathe and be. Your calendar might not like it, but your heart will thank you. 2. Unfollow And Unfriend Toxic Third Parties You've been through enough—it's time to declutter your digital life. Those social media feeds filled with toxic reminders of the past need an overhaul. Start by unfollowing and unfriending anyone who doesn't add genuine value to your life. Curate a digital environment that uplifts and inspires instead of draining your energy. This isn't about escapism; it's about creating a space where you can breathe without the weight of judgment or comparison. Surround yourself with accounts and communities that celebrate authenticity and resilience. Over time, you'll find your online world reflects the inner peace you're striving to achieve. Your digital self deserves as much freedom as your real-world one. 3. Create Your Own Sanctuary Space Your home should be a place of solace, not another battlefield. Transform a corner or room into a sanctuary that soothes your senses and spirit. According to feng shui expert Anjie Cho, a well-designed space can influence your mood and energy. Choose colors, textures, and objects that resonate with your newfound self. This isn't about spending money on new things; it's about reclaiming your environment. Repurpose items you love, or introduce elements like plants or soft lighting to cultivate calm. This sanctuary becomes a physical manifestation of your healing journey. As you nurture this space, you'll find it nurtures you in return. 4. Write Your Own Narrative You've been living in a story written by someone else—now it's time to seize the pen. Writing your own narrative means consciously deciding who you are and who you want to become. Start a journal, blog, or collection of notes that give voice to your experiences and dreams. This act of writing is a bold declaration of agency over your life. Your story doesn't need to be shared with the world unless you want it to be. This is for you, an evolving document of self-discovery and empowerment. As you write, you'll uncover truths and desires that have been stifled. Your narrative is both a map and a journey, guiding you toward the life you deserve. 5. Explore Somatic Therapy Healing isn't just a mental exercise; it's a full-body experience. Somatic therapy focuses on the physical sensations associated with trauma, offering a path to release pent-up emotions. According to research published in the journal Psychological Trauma, somatic practices can significantly reduce symptoms of PTSD. Through techniques like breathwork and movement, you can reconnect with your body. Consider working with a somatic therapist to navigate this journey. They'll help you identify and release the tension stored in your body. This isn't about reliving trauma; it's about finding peace within your own skin. You'll emerge with a deeper understanding of the language your body speaks. 6. Relearn The Art Of Child Play Somewhere along the way, life became too serious, too fraught with fear. Rediscovering play is about embracing joy for the sake of joy. Engage in activities that make you laugh, that make you lose track of time. Whether it's painting, hiking, or dancing around your kitchen, let playfulness re-enter your world. This isn't about denying the pain but acknowledging that joy can coexist with healing. Play is a powerful antidote to the heaviness of trauma. It's a reminder that life is more than survival—it's meant to be experienced with wonder. Give yourself permission to find delight in the everyday. 7. Boost Your Self-Compassion With Mindful Meditation Silence the inner critic that echoes with your abuser's voice by embracing self-compassion through meditation. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher in self-compassion, emphasizes that being kind to ourselves in difficult times is essential for healing. Mindful meditation allows you to observe your thoughts without judgment, offering a safe space to practice self-kindness. Start with just a few minutes each day, focusing on your breath and the gentle acceptance of yourself. As you cultivate this practice, you'll find that self-compassion becomes more than a momentary exercise. It's a transformative way of being that fosters resilience and self-worth. With time, you'll treat yourself with the tenderness you've always deserved. 8. Create New Power Rituals Rituals can anchor you amidst the chaos, providing a sense of stability and meaning. These aren't grand gestures but small, intentional acts that honor your journey. Light a candle each evening to symbolize the light you're bringing into your life. Or start each day with a mantra that reinforces your strength and purpose. In creating rituals, you're reclaiming control over your story and setting intentions for your future. These practices become sacred reminders of your resilience. They're about celebrating progress, no matter how small, and grounding yourself in the present. Through ritual, you cultivate a sense of belonging within yourself. 9. Engage In Active Reflection After an abusive marriage, reflection isn't just a passive glance backward; it's an active, empowering process. Engage with your past not to dwell, but to understand and reshape your future. Consider therapy or counseling as a guided space for this exploration. The goal is to discern patterns, understand triggers, and navigate the complex web of your emotions. Active reflection helps in transforming experiences into wisdom. It's about turning what was once a source of pain into a wellspring of strength. With every insight, you gain clarity and direction. This journey inward is about healing and stepping into your agency. 10. Cultivate Connection Through Volunteering Isolation can be an unwelcome companion after leaving an abusive relationship. Volunteering offers a bridge back to community and connection. Choose causes that resonate with you, whether it's helping animals, supporting other survivors, or environmental activism. Here, you'll find purpose beyond your personal struggles. Volunteering shifts the focus from what you've endured to what you can offer. It's an opportunity to rebuild social ties and rediscover your sense of belonging. Through acts of service, you cultivate empathy and compassion—both for others and yourself. Your contributions become a testament to your strength and resilience. 11. Seek Empowerment Through Education Education isn't just about acquiring knowledge; it's a pathway to empowerment. Whether you're interested in formal studies or informal learning, expanding your horizons can redefine your identity. Take a class, dive into online tutorials, or join discussion groups that challenge and inspire you. Through learning, you gain tools and perspectives that enrich your life. Education becomes a reclamation of power, a declaration that you are more than your past. It's about igniting curiosity and exploring new passions. In nurturing this aspect of yourself, you build confidence and self-efficacy. Knowledge becomes both a shield and a sword in your journey forward. 12. Redefine Success On Your Own Terms The world is quick to impose its definitions of success, but your journey demands a personal lexicon. What does success look like for you, beyond societal expectations? Maybe it's about creating a life of peace, or nurturing meaningful relationships. Redefining success allows you to prioritize what truly matters to you. This isn't about minimizing aspirations but aligning them with your values and desires. Craft a vision for your future that feels genuinely fulfilling. As you pursue this vision, you'll find satisfaction in progress rather than perfection. Success becomes a deeply personal celebration of growth and authenticity. 13. Reconnect With Nature As A Healing Ally Nature offers a sanctuary where you can ground yourself and find solace. Spend time outdoors, feeling the wind on your skin and the earth beneath your feet. This connection to the natural world can be profoundly healing, reducing anxiety and fostering a sense of peace. The simplicity and beauty of nature remind you of the world's vastness and your place within it. Engage in activities like hiking, gardening, or simply sitting by a body of water. Allow the rhythms of nature to influence your own, promoting balance and reflection. The natural world becomes both a refuge and a teacher, offering lessons in resilience and renewal. Here, you find the quiet strength to keep moving forward. 14. Celebrate Your Steps To Recovery In the aftermath of an abusive marriage, every step forward is a victory. Celebrate milestones along your journey, no matter their size. Whether it's a day without anxiety or a moment of courage, acknowledge and honor these achievements. They're markers of your resilience and progress. Create rituals or keepsakes that commemorate these moments. This practice reinforces your growth and motivates you to continue. By celebrating your milestones, you redefine success and cultivate a mindset of gratitude. Each celebration builds upon the next, weaving a tapestry of triumph over adversity. 15. Build A New Circle Of Allies The people around you can profoundly influence your journey of healing. Seek out those who uplift, challenge, and support you without judgment. This new tribe doesn't need to be large, but it should be authentic and nurturing. Join support groups, attend workshops, or connect with like-minded individuals who resonate with your journey. Building a community of allies is about creating a network of strength and empathy. These relationships offer fresh perspectives and shared experiences that validate your feelings. Together, you forge connections that become a buffer against adversity. Your tribe becomes a living testament to the healing power of community.
Independent Singapore
11-07-2025
- General
- Independent Singapore
33-year-old sole breadwinner earning S$3.5k seeks help after leaving abusive marriage and filing for divorce
SINGAPORE: A 33-year-old woman who has been trapped in an emotionally and physically abusive marriage for five years has finally made the difficult decision to walk away and file for divorce. On Friday (July 11), she shared her story on the r/singaporefi subreddit, revealing that beyond the trauma of the relationship, she had also been the family's sole breadwinner for years. She had been covering all household expenses, including housing, bills, groceries, childcare and daily necessities, on a take-home pay of just S$3,500 from her full-time job. To stay afloat, she even took on part-time driving jobs to supplement her income. 'I have no one to blame but myself,' she wrote. 'I was blinded by love and hope that things would turn around, but instead, they just continued to deteriorate.' The woman also pleaded for help regarding her current financial situation. 'I'm facing a tough financial situation. My credit score is at GX, which prevents me from securing any bank loans, and I keep getting rejected. I urgently need S$15,000 for all the outstanding fees/bills/debts that are tied under my name, but I really don't want to resort to borrowing from licensed money lenders,' she said. See also Korean couple fined for visiting Rain's home and demanding money 'I'm feeling lost and overwhelmed. Are there any other options available to help me through this? I'm reaching out sincerely for any advice or support you can offer. Please be kind to me,' she added. 'It might be best to seek help from close friends and family.' In the discussion thread, one Singaporean Redditor advised, 'I'd recommend visiting your local MP, he would probably be able to advise you on what resources and options are available.' Another user told her, 'I think under these circumstances, it might be best to seek help from close friends and family for a friendly loan to tide things over. Stay strong, internet stranger, don't give up!' A third added, 'First of all, it is not easy to be as courageous as you to escape a wrong marriage, just this action alone proves that you are a resilient and tough woman. 'Unfortunately, if you are looking for a magic wand to solve the problem overnight, it doesn't exist. My advice is to look at your income and expenses, make a budget and start tracking it, and eventually find ways to squeeze some dollars out of your already tight budget.' See also Avengers 5 will return with new superheroes In other news, a tech worker in the public sector took to Reddit to share his frustration after a university peer dismissed his civil service job as something only 'unambitious' fresh grads would take. In a post on Reddit's r/SingaporeRaw forum, the 20-something shared that during a recent meetup, his former classmate told him he was 'selling himself short' by joining what he described as a 'retirement home' agency. Read more: Civil service jobs seen as 'dumping ground'? Tech worker frustrated by Gen z peers' harsh take on public sector work Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)
